Sunday, May 9, 2010

colour my life with the chaos of trouble

I am so ridiculously happy right now. Have you ever been so happy you could cry? It is extremely bizarre. I can't quite explain how it works, or the reasoning behind it (no there is no boy involved in this happiness). I think that I am just at total peace with myself, and thats why I am happy. I am happy with who I am, happy with God, happy being wherever I am, happy being single, happy whether I get to see people or not. I'm just happy :) Side note, I've now written the word "happy" so many time's I am questioning whether I am even spelling it right... weird hehe...

I've thought this a few times, but the thought came out loud and clear on thursday night after I had been hanging out with some old friends of mine Erin and Jared. It was great hanging out with them again, and good to see that some people in life don't change and are always there regardless of how long it has been since you last got to catch up. We chatted and also watched the movie 500 days of summer, which is where my blog title came from - it seemed to adequately describe my life in general!!!

On Friday I helped out a friend, Wendy Konemann at her scripture classes (year 4 and 5) at Glenbrook primary school. I hadn't really prepared anything and at last minute was asked to take my guitar to sing a song or two. I really enjoyed it, the kids were characters - some real attention seekers but they all had things to say and ask. Some of them have the most deep and theologically confronting questions, for example there was a question about whether when parents genetically altered their baby to look the way they wanted it to (eg blue eyes, blond hair), did that mean they ruined the 'perfect' child that God had designed, or was the one the people designed the right one?!! One kid answered in a way that nearly made my jaw drop there was so much thought in it (I guess even I am guilty of understimating how smart kids are these days...)!! I sang a couple of songs for the kids, and they also sang me a couple in return - actions and all! They all really got into the songs! I love how music brings people together. Our society values music so highly, however there is such a limited amount of singing that we do in our culture - it is not the norm. All in all, it was a fun and challenging experience, thinking on the spot and reasoning why I believe what I believe.

I've also been able to catch up with Justin a musician from Katoomba who I met in Chiang Mai. We got together yesterday with his producer Laurie out in Lithgow and made a bit of music which was great fun. We stayed up to the early hours of the morning, singing, drinking lots of cups of tea, eating cake, playing guitar, watching youtube clips of people exploding, hurting themselves and failing to drive properly and writing random silly funny songs. Loved every moment!! :) I also discovered that they are both Jehovahs witnesses.

So at the moment I am still figuring out what to do. I had an interview for a job in Geelong the other day and also have an option of a job up in Cairns as a community dietitian working with Aboriginals. I haven't really had much to do with that population, and the job would involve a fair bit of health promotion and flying around in little cessna's and things. Not really the clinical stuff I have been doing. It sounds good... But... Full time PERMANENT job = scary. I think I may have mentioned something about this earlier, but I am pretty sure i am scared of commitment. At least I definitely shy away from it alot.

I think I decided today that I don't want a permanent full time job because I don't want the restrictions it imposes. I like chaos (ie: my quote title). I like spontaneity. I like freedom. I like being able to make decisions on the spot, and change my mind just as quickly. However, I still want to be reliable - is this a total contradiction? I want my 'yes to be yes and no to be no' where if I say I'll do something then I'll do it. For example, if I have told someone I will meet them at a certain day/time or whatever, actually following through and doing that. But still, I want freedom, complete freedom..

I know that one time I will probably have to settle down, but at this point in my life I am definitely not ready for that. During a chat with Wendy after the scripture class, she brought up the fact that the continual restlessness could be either me running away from things (which I have been accused of alot), or it could be a blessing and a gift. I'm not sure. Any thoughts???

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